The Incredible Journey

Choose Joy

2010-07-14T17:33:00.001-07:00

Joy is a choice; It's something you have to choose every single day. There are other things you have to choose everyday as well...reactions, feelings, love, happiness, fears, etc. I've been thinking a lot about this since Ilya was born. I look at her and see so much joy; everything is new; everything is an experience of some sort. She has her moments of fussiness but she is easily distracted into a new moment of joy (sometimes by simply moving her to the back door to stare at the dogs for a moment).
Something happens as we grow up - we let our emotions overwhelm us and take control over our day, even our year. If one thing goes wrong in the morning we tend to let it dictate how the rest of our day is going to go rather than look out the window for a moment. I am extremely guilty of this. I tend to let worry get the best of me and before I know it I am more negative than I wish to be.

I just finished the new Francine Rivers book Her Mothers Hope. Amazing book! If you didn't know she is one of my all time favorite authors. I highly recommend it. It is complicated to explain without giving away the entire book.

It really got me thinking about what I have let shape me as a person; past experiences that have made me the person I am. I then think about what I am passing on, what my hope is for my children. What have I done to "shape" them without even thinking about it. I know I have talked about this before on here but it is something that plagues me every single day. For example, one of the most common that we hear is, "I don't want my children to ever do without the way I did" or "I want my child to have the opportunities that I never had." Interesting thoughts though they are, it seems completely harmless but can turn into something that destroys the child rather than liberate them - and in the end can sometimes even destroy the parent/child relationship. We tend to want to be the potter and mold our children into something better than ourselves; We push and probe to the extreme out of fear of their/our failure. The true potter is God himself; He is the ONLY potter. We are the clay.

I'm still thinking things through and have in no way come to any conclusions. I can only turn it over to God and trust that he knows my heart and intentions - that he cleanses me of all my selfish thoughts and ways. I want to be a servant and do His will. I pray that I am the mother he calls me to be.

Cry out in your weakness...

2010-06-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

First, I must apologize for the delay in my writing. Sean always says it is better to not make a promise and just do the things you think rather than to proclaim something and then let everyone down when it doesn't happen.

Ilya has celebrated her first full year of life with us. What a blessing she is! It really is true what they say... time flies! She is walking around everywhere and wants to be outside at all times no matter how hot it is. She amazes us.

In April, Sean and I found out that we are expecting again! Baby number two will be here around January 3rd. We are ecstatic and can't wait. We have been shuffling around the house making room for another baby room. We are having a lot of work done to the house this summer. We are truly blessed to live in a school house, in a great town, and work for such amazing people that take care of us. As soon as all of the work is done I will hopefully post pictures of the "remodeling". As for decorating the baby room...that will have to wait until we find out if the new baby is a boy or girl. We should find out in August or September.

On June 18th, Sean and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary! How amazing...we have only grown stronger through the years and I look forward to the rest of my life knowing that I get to wake up and fall asleep with him beside me.

Out of all of these changes, my mind has begun to get the best of me. I cannot tell you enough how grateful I am to have Sean in my life. He is my strength and my peace in the storm. We truly were made for each other. He has a calm that I desire and long for and he says I keep him on his toes. Most importantly he has a way of pointing me back to God and helping me find my "strength within me" (psalm 46:5). When fear rears its ugly head at me...when that voice screams within me that I can't do this or that I am not good enough for the task at hand...somehow through the tears I hear God saying "No you can't do this...but I can." And I stand back up with renewed strength.

In my weakness I cry out and remember that it's not about me. I am human and cannot do the things marked out before me without the help of God. God must go before me at all times or I will continually fail. In my weakness God makes me strong. Part of the process is saying goodbye to my selfish thoughts that I have it all together, or that I can do it and I don't need any help.

God blessed us with Ilya, and now with a new child growing within...and Sean and I have said over and over that they are not ours...we are just raising them and loving them until God calls them. This house is not ours, the money we make is not ours, the yard we tend to is not ours, and we ourselves are not our own. We are God's property and here to fulfill His calling and will.

In my weakness I have discovered that spending time with the ones I love is the most important thing I can do right now. I am cherishing every second with Ilya and Sean, wonderful moments and memories that I am treasuring in my heart to draw upon from time to time. I am loving life and knowing that even on those bottomless pit days - there is a light shining from above and I will stand strong.

Hopefully I will post many, many pictures of the last few months.

2010-04-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

Ilya is 11 months old, and we just found out that she will be an older sister in 9 months!!! What a life we live!

2010-04-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

These are pictures from the real Easter this past week. Kyler, Colt and Ilya all had coordinating outfits. They were precious! It was almost impossible to get a picture of them together though. Ilya and Colt can't sit still for more than two seconds...Kyler is the only one that can sit and pose for the camera.

Sean and I keep laughing at this picture. It looks like Kyler and Colt have grown fangs and Ilya is trying to escape with her life!
Ilya is so funny with Papa. She wants him to constantly look at her but not to touch. If he isn't looking or watching her she will grunt until he does.

Ilya loves it when Nana tickles her. If you didn't know Nana is who Ilya inherited her dancing rhythm from. She dances just like her!

We had to have Kyler and Colt ride in front of the camera so that Ilya would look in the right vicinity of the camera. It was almost impossible to get pictures of her or any of the kids that day. They just wanted to play, play, play!

As soon as we arrived Ilya made a mad dash for this egg! It wasn't even time to hunt eggs. It was like Ilya was thinking "Hey, I remember this! I'm supposed to pick these up!" We were going to hunt eggs after we ate but Colt also grabbed his basket and began loading up before we ate. Lesson learned! Don't put the eggs out until it is time!

2010-04-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

There have been lots of things happening around the Grose residence! I've been cooking, cleaning, and Sean and I have even been able to work outside a little!
The other night I cooked steak, baked potatoes, salad and beans. Yum!
One night I cooked Sean's favorite meal - Chicken enchilada soup.
Sean fixed the gate to the garden.

I got to finally trim the tree outside our house! I hadn't been able to get to it in over a year.
It looks much better now!

Sometimes Ilya tries to fit as much food in her mouth as possible!

She thinks she is so funny when she puts her pacifier in sideways. She does it and then laughs!

Here is a picture of Ilya and her friend Jerzee sitting with Mrs. Teresa at Thursday School.

This is a fun video of Kyler and Ilya playing on their human jungle gym. So cute!

2010-04-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

If you were to ask me what my favorite holiday is I would have to say Easter, hands down! I love everything about Easter! Every year my aunt Patty has an Easter party out at her house. Our whole family loads up, goes to church and then to Patty's house for amazing food, fellowship, egg hunting (little kids and BIG kids) and THE AMAZING RACE! The amazing race is just like the show on T.V. you are on teams and you must race to find the clues and then compete to finish each task. The great thing about the race is that you can be in dead last up until the last task and then still win! This year we had to wheelbarrow two eggs without breaking them (it took me four times and Sean twice), make a bunny headband (they had to match perfectly), use chopsticks to fish pennies out of jello (by the time Sean and I got there our jello was frozen), dig through a bucket of rice and find four colored pieces of rice, and then throw a Frisbee through three obstacles. Sean and were in dead last until the Frisbee throw, then we moved up to second place!
It is such a blast! That and hunting Easter eggs. I think it is so funny that we have a little kid Easter egg hunt and then have a big kid Easter egg hunt (that is all of us cousins), we are just not ready to grow up! Also on the big kid Easter egg hunt my aunt has written our names on three eggs to ensure that we at least end up with three eggs a piece. If you have ever been around my family you know that when there is a race or a game everyone is out for blood! I have the best memories from all of our Easters together as a family! I am the worst Easter egg hunter in the world! I seem to be extremely slow at finding the eggs, or maybe because it is a "race" to find them I get discouraged and can't think straight. One year, I had a basket full and I fell and my eggs went everywhere. My cousin Greg came and stole all of my eggs on the ground. Haha! I remember being so sad! Needless to say that I think Ilya is going to be following in my footsteps. This was her FIRST Easter egg hunt. I had been putting eggs in her basket for her and she pulled on the basket and the eggs fell on the ground. Her (second) cousin, Allie, came running up and said "Ilya, you better hurry and pick these up before someone steals them!". Allie then proceeded to pick up Ilya's eggs and put them in her own basket and then run away. I wish I could have caught it on tape! It was so funny!

O.K. enough talk - on with the pictures!

Ilya's first Easter egg hunt.

Out of all the eggs she goes after a rock!

2010-03-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

Ilya and I visited the gin office today and her cousin Colt was there too. It was time for both of them to have a little snack so Meggan and I thought it would be a good time to teach them how to share.

Take One: Listen carefully and you will hear Colt make Ilya say "please"

Lets try this again...Take Two:

O.K. Hmmm...Take Three:

Success!!! Well sort of...we will need to work on it a little more!

2010-03-25T13:46:00.000-07:00

Today has been such an amazing day! Ilya has always woke up at 7:00a.m. on the dot (before the time change it was around 6 but we let her play in her crib until 7). This morning there wasn't a sound from her room. So I rushed and took my shower because on Thursdays it is a mad rush out the door to make it Thursday school. Sean came into the bathroom at 7:45a.m. to tell me that he was leaving for work and that Ilya was still sound asleep. He said he checked on her to make sure something wasn't wrong but she was sound asleep. I got dressed and enjoyed my cup of coffee and then at 8:00a.m. I could hear her sweet voice coming from her bedroom. She was sitting there reading her soft book in her crib. She was SO happy! Of course we were late to Thursday school but I didn't mind at all! Ilya missed her morning nap and then has slept for over two hours for her afternoon nap! I can't get over it!

I have been planning her ONE year birthday party! It's in less than two months! I can't contain my excitement! I am planning on having a ladybug theme. I am going to make angel food cupcakes decorated with ladybugs along with a richer ladybug cake. I don't want Ilya having a bunch of sugar so I decided on the angel food for the cupcakes. I've been thinking about how to decorate and everything. Just writing about it makes me shake with joy! I never knew how exciting planning a birthday party is! I am looking foreword to many years of decorating for different occasions!

Here is a picture of the cupcake design. I found it on the MarthaStewart website.

2010-03-23T12:48:00.000-07:00

In the past, well lets be honest, past and presently, I have always had the thought "If I could just have ______ then I would be happy." Whether it be a new job, a hair cut, love, a new pair of pants...whatever. Funny thing is that when you do finally get that something that you have been wanting, you realize that there is something still unsatisfying about it and so the cycle begins again. "If I could just have ________, or if I could just have more of _______, then I would be happy."

No amount of status, or material possessions is going to fill that void. Until I fix my heart and eyes on "things above and not on earthly things" (Colossians 3) I will not find satisfaction. Not only that but I need to find time to REST and stop all of the chaos running around me before it drags me under. (I just talked to Sean and we discussed how there one can find God's peace in the midst of our chaos).

The past few weeks I have felt God nudging me and trying to tell me something. Over and over he has led me to the same place when I have prayed and over and over I have just shrugged it off because it wasn't the answer I have wanted to hear. Well...I'm listening now. I wish I had listened the first time he tried to get my attention.

Last night in my Bloomers Bible class a bible verse jumped out and grabbed hold of me.

'"to whom he said,
'This is the place of repose'-

but they would not listen.

So then, the word of the LORD to them will become:

Do and do, do and do,

rule on rule, rule on rule;

a little here, a little there -

so that they will go and fall backward,

be injured and snared and captured."

-Isaiah 28:12-13

Please listen carefully to what I am about to say, and please don't misunderstand me.

Before Ilya was born Sean and I prayed and prayed over what I was going to do with my job. To teach or not to teach? After much prayer we decided that I would stay home with Ilya. I could not wait, I had always dreamed about being a "stay-at-home" mom! This was my dream come true. Sean and I knew that the upcoming year was going to be tough money wise. But we faced the year with our hands held tightly together and with hope and love in our hearts. This was a blessing!

Now, I had a fairy tale vision of how the year would play out. And my fairy tale was awesome - the house would be immaculately clean, there would always be breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table for Sean, all the laundry and ironing would be done and put away in its proper place.

Ilya and I would laugh and read, play and walk. I mean, what more could I wish for?

I'd like to say that all of the above took place but that would be a flat out lie. Truth be told, I didn't even get supper on the table once before Christmas, my grandmother had to do my laundry and cleaning was one of the things that seemed to send me over the edge of what little sanity I had. Ilya spent the first eight months of her life screaming at the top of her lungs for most of the day and the weather didn't always cooperate for us to get out and walk. I was learning that there is way more to being a mother than what I had envisioned. Sean was away coaching most nights and that just added more stress. Most days I couldn't even find time to take a shower let alone run a brush through my hair.

This is the most chaotic my life has ever been - ever. But I wouldn't change a single moment. Around Christmas there was a change. I stopped getting on facebook during my moments of silence and started spending more time in God's word. I started making a to-do list but instead of getting all upset when I don't get something marked off I look at what I have been able to accomplish. I can now have dinner on the table thanks to an awesome crock pot! And most importantly Ilya and I spend her every waking moment just being together, crying or laughing, and just learning how this thing called life works. My focus is on Sean and Ilya first rather than on the crazy house. I could care less about what is going on in the world outside my door...the most important things to me are right here in front of me. It has taken a while but somehow I have caught on to finding my peace in Christ and not on my surroundings. Sean is always telling me that expectations kill - and it is so true. Babies cry, dinner gets burned (or not made at all), and clothes get dirty. It is all about the attitude that I enter into it with. Are there still bad, crazy days? Yes, of course, but now I have learned that usually when it gets tough it is time to laugh or just start dancing around. Ilya likes that side of me way more than the old side. I think Sean does too.

I can hear Ilya waking up in the next room - I'm going to take her for a walk. See ya later!

2010-03-21T16:40:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of videos that we have taken over the week. It takes so long for the videos to upload so I have to find an alloted time I can spend on the process.

This is Ilya playing with a balloon when we visited Great Grandma Martha.

This is a video of Ilya playing with the drum and listening to music. She is so precious how she hits the drum and then gives a big smile - she was so proud of herself.

Sean and I were tossing the ball back and forth and Ilya was SO excited, she kept giggling and raising her arms in the air. So we gave her the ball and she threw it! It was the first time she has done that! She was so proud that she raised her arms in excitement! So of course we grabbed the video camera and tried to catch a little of it on tape.

2010-03-18T07:33:00.000-07:00

Spring break is in the air! We just got back in town from what Sean has dubbed our "skipping stone" vacation (Abilene, Dallas, and Bowie). It was kind of one of those adventures where you plan to do a million things and then reality sets in and you realize that in "real life" with a child you can't just get up and go...you work on their schedule. All in all it was a wonderful trip and we have decided to try and do it every year. First off, you cannot imagine how much extra luggage you have to travel with when you have a child. Sean and I shared one suitcase and the rest was for Ilya. Can you say "high maintenance"?!

OK...so here is the breakdown of our adventure. Friday, Sean had a track meet in Dawson so I was in charge of packing AND loading up the truck for our vacation. Yes, I hear you laughing through the screen. Packing used to be such a simple task...and then Ilya became more mobile. While I was putting things in the suitcase she was unpacking, with both hands. Needless to say I had to wait until she was asleep to finish up the packing process. Then it came time to load up the truck...hmmm...easier said than done. I am such a weakling to begin with but when you add a baby into the mix things get a lot more complicated. At one point I had Ilya on my hip, the phone up to my ear talking to Sean and a bag in one hand trying my hardest not to lose it. Poor Sean, he had just called to see how things were going and instead ended up with an earful! After several FAILED attempts at trying to load the truck I finally called my dad and asked if he could come to my rescue. And of course, dad came to my rescue! Next came feeding and bathing Ilya. No problem there since this is what is routine for her. BUT, the game plan was that instead of putting her to bed in her crib we would go through the night time routine but put her in the car seat instead and pray that she would fall asleep. That way our travels would not mess up her nap time routine and her night time routine would stay in tact. Things were going great and we were cruising down the road to pick up Sean in Dawson. My mistake was that I should have never stopped the car but drove around until Sean was ready because as soon as I came to a stop Ilya woke up and then screamed because she was still in the car seat! She HATES the car seat! Ilya proceeded to scream for about an hour as we drove down the road towards Abilene. Sean and I sat in silence, daring not to make a sound or stop that could wake her up once she fell asleep. We finally arrived in Abilene at about 10:00p.m. and successfully transferred Ilya into her pack-and-play.

Saturday we woke up in Abilene! Ilya was very playful and happy, especially since she had her very first zoo trip! Great Grandma Peggy had also made her way from Austin to visit and spend time with Ilya as well.

Ilya started the day off relaxing in the rocking chair. Then off to the zoo we go!After we ate lunch and Ilya had her afternoon nap we ventured out to the park beside Mark and Mary Ruth's house. Ilya crawled through the tunnel all by herself, and went down the slide several times with dad! And played the drums with dad. Then we relaxed and played with a couple of new toys that Mary Ruth had bought for Ilya.After Ilya had her supper and bath we once again loaded her up in the car and headed down the road. This time our destination was outside of Dallas to visit Scott, Bert, Hunter and Khol (my uncle, aunt and cousins). Ilya fell right to sleep, which was a blessing. Halfway down the road she coughed and made a very interesting noise. I looked back at her and she was asleep...a little while later we began to smell something. I stuck my hand back into her car seat and sure enough SHE HAD THROWN UP! Sean and I looked at each other wondering what to do. She was fast asleep and we were still two hours away. Sean had to stop and get gas so I wiped Ilya down with wet wipes but didn't change her since it was also in the car seat which defeated the purpose and it would completely wake her up. We made it to Scott and Berts at about 10:30p.m., changed Ilya and put her back down. I was worried that she would wake up sick but she woke up her normal happy self. Sunday we had planned to go to church at Casa View, where Sean had been a youth minister but the time change and travel took its toll on us and we didn't make it.

The main thing on our agenda for the day was to visit Sean's grandmother Martha who had fallen and broken two bones in her neck. We wanted to make sure Martha got to meet her great-granddaughter. Ilya wasn't shy at all and she played and played on Martha's bed. We stayed for about an hour and a half. It was a very nice visit.We stayed two nights with my aunt and uncle because like I said, in the beginning we had many grand plans of what we wanted to do in Dallas but then "reality" sets in...and a little thing called "time-change". I was really wanting to see my best friend Lucie who just had a baby last month but that didn't work out either. We didn't get many pictures of our time in Dallas because we were mainly in a car the whole time. On Monday, there were some workers out at my uncles house who were extending their drive-way. In the process they cut the cables for the T.V. and had to leave so that the cable people could come and fix it. Low and behold they left their machinery behind. I told Sean that the picture below will get us all thrown in jail! Kohl dared Sean to get in it - I, of course, was having a fit because I just knew they were going to come back and we were going to get in trouble! I am such a party pooper! Sean begged me to take the picture...so I did - I'm amazed it turned out because I took it in one second flat! I pointed, clicked and then ran inside the house! As you can tell Ilya was having a blast!We decided to leave for Bowie during Ilya's afternoon nap on Monday since it was only two hours (at the most) away and we thought we would beat the traffic. I am so glad we did because I ended up getting a little sick Monday night and spent a majority of Tuesday in bed. We arrived at Don, JoAnn, Blake, Wesley and Clay's house around 4:00p.m. What an awesome place! It is truly a little piece of heaven! They are in the process of building their house, though living in it now. I was so excited about seeing their house because it has always been a dream of mine and Sean's to build our own house. Their house is an oasis and I can't wait to see the finished product. They made us feel at home and JoAnn is the best cook in the world! Tuesday night we loaded up the car again and hit the road. This time we were headed home! Ilya did great and was thrilled the next morning when she woke up and realized where she was. I love taking vacations but in the end it is always great to be HOME! You know what makes coming home so much more enjoyable? Having a working washing machine. Yes, that's right! We have a new machine, and no it is NOT a Kenmore! Never, ever again. We decided on a Whirlpool. It's awesome, mainly because it works! Ilya likes it too. She stood watching it for a long time, she (and I) had forgotten what it looked like when one actually worked!

2010-03-11T16:49:00.000-08:00

Today was the Brownfield Style show and Ilya was asked to model for Heartfelt Design. She modeled two cute dresses! In her second dress she modeled with Colt (my sister Meggan's son) who was in a matching outfit (in pattern only, not a dress!) Here is Ilya on stage...this is the dress she modeled with Colt and Meggan.

She just wanted to play with Colt!

This is the first dress she modeled.

Finally got a video of Ilya standing all by herself! I was beginning to think I would never get it on film because every time I would grab for the camera she would already be in the air or would see the camera and crawl toward me. Needless to say - Patience is golden and Perseverance is key!

2010-03-09T12:14:00.000-08:00

Kyler pushing Ilya on her truck (9 months)

Ilya and her cousin Riley (Greg and his wife Kyley Martin's son) playing (9 months).

Ilya training for basketball! (9 months).

2010-03-08T11:46:00.000-08:00

Ilya playing with in the recycle bins. She loves to pull the water bottles out and throw them on the floor. We will have to have a talk about littering!

Ilya and Sean's instruments. (9 months)

Ilya standing all by her self! We started standing up unassisted just this past Tuesday (3/2/10). I am trying hard to get a video of it!

Ilya playing with her baby doll. She likes to give her kisses. (9 months)

Ilya watching Pa! (9 months)

Ilya and Kyler looking at Pa with the horse. (9 months)

Ilya and Kyler wathching Pa through the window. (9 months)

Ilya in the tub at Nani's (9 months)

Ilya and Kyler in the tub at Nani's (9 months). Ilya has a little eczema where her pacifier sits on her mouth.

Another pic of Ilya and Kyler in the tub. They had a blast together!

Ilya being cute! (9 months)

Ilya feeding herself (9 months).

This is funny. I had noticed that the humidifier would be turned up one minute and then turned down the next and I just figured Sean was messing with it when he was in there. Come to find out Ilya was the one messing with it the whole time. Here she is caught in the act! She loves to turn the knob! (9 months)

My angel (9 months)

Ilya at the gin office getting into the candy jar. Don't worry she didn't actually eat any, the wrapper is still on - I don't want her to have any sweets until way down the line. You have to admit that it does make a cute picture! (9 months)

Ilya and Daysea (9 months) I love this picture because it is like they are both giving the same face! It is so cute!

Ilya and the frog towel! A gift from Grandma Mary Ruth (O'ma Roo). (9 months)

Ilya and Grandma Mary Ruth (O'ma Roo) when they came and visited in February. (9 months)

Ilya and Grandpa Mark (O'pa) when they came and visited in February. (9 months)

Ilya and Gradpa and Grandma (O'pa and O'ma Roo) taken from their visit in February. (9 months)

This is Ilya dancing to the Jazz music. This video was taken by Mary Ruth. (9 months)

2010-03-01T07:03:00.001-08:00

"How is your spiritual life? How is your prayer life?"

Seven years ago today my grandfather, Alvin H. King (Mo), passed away.

Today is a hard day, a day of sorrow and rememberance. When you are young you don't really have a grasp on death and you feel like everything will always be the same. You believe the people that are in your life will always be there. Even when you find out someone in your family is sick you push it to the back of your mind and believe that everything will turn out fine. The next thing you know your whole world has been turned upside down and you cry out to God "Why would you do this?" and wonder if it is even possible for life to go on.

If you didn't know my grandfather then you truly missed out knowing one of the greatest men to ever walk this earth. I'm not just saying that because he is my grandfather. My grandmother, Ruth King, once said that if there was ever a man that had every excuse to go "bad" it would have been my grandfather. His father died before he was born and his mother died when he was sixteen years old. Mo would always say it was the saddest day of his life coming home to an empty house without a mother or father. They were dirt poor. One year for christmas his mother went out into the yard and searched for the prettiest rocks she could find in the yard and wrapped them up just so that Mo and his brothers would have something to open for christmas morning. Mo even signed up for athletics just so he could get a shower. His mom made his clothes out of potatoe sacks and he loved to tell the story about being picked on about his clothing and throwing the boy out the window of the bus. Through all of lifes ups and downs my grandfather found God and clung to him with all of his heart, mind and soul. He would tell me over and over that God is the only thing you can depend on because things of this world are fleeting, here one minute and gone the next.

He was the hardest worker you ever saw in your life, nothing and no one could hold this man back. He walked from Meadow Texas to Cisco Texas (a four hour drive) by foot just to teach his grandchildren self disipline (he was in his seventies). One year when I was in college at SMU I needed barbwire for a project I was doing. He drove all night and showed up a 5:00a.m. with the barbed wire. The year he died, before we knew he was sick, I had to work Christmas Eve and then also the day after Christmas. I didn't think I would be able to make it home. I didn't get off work until 11:00p.m. Christmas Eve and Mo drove all the way to Austin to pick me up and then we drove all the way home...we arrived in Brownfield at 7:00a.m. I was able to have Christmas for the last time with him, though I didn't know it at the time. He then drove me all the way back that afternoon. What greater love?

I could go on for hours with stories but I know my time is limited.

My grandfather was a great mentor for all of us spiritually. He knew the whole bible by heart and could quote just about any scripture from memory. The most important thing he taught me was how to pray. He would always call and ask three questions "How is life?", "How is your spiritual life?", and "How is your prayer life?" With him it was always a good time to pray.

You know how God can bring beauty out of ashes? It's true. Even though Mo's death marks a very painful moment in my life it also marks one of the most beautiful moments as well. Up until that day my faith had meerly been the faith of my families. Not my own. I knew what to say, and I carried my bible like I brought up and taught to do. But on March 1st my faith was put to the test. I remember laying in bed that night crying myself to sleep and being so angry at God. I was ready to wash my hands of Him right then and there. I had a decision to make. Either I was going to turn my back to everything my grandfather had taught me or I would hold on tight and find out who God really was. I took my first step toward God with a broken heart and a trembling hand. It didn't come easy, but it came. My grandfather had trained me "in the way I should go" and I followed his example. Now I believe with all my heart, soul, and mind. I fully understand now what Mo used to tell me now about putting my faith in things of this world that are here one minute and gone the next...by doing that I am left with a broken heart. When I put my faith and hope in God alone he binds up my broken heart and leads me home.

God does bring beauty from the ashes.

2010-02-24T07:06:00.000-08:00

What a week! Did you know that Ilya is now NINE MONTHS OLD?! I know...it is hard to believe! Seans parents came down for a visit this weekend and much fun (and pictures and videos) was had.

Yesterday Ilya had her nine month check-up. We woke up to snow and school was delayed until 10:00a.m. Sean made an egg (yolk only) for Ilya. She loved it! Since there was so much snow my dad picked Ilya and me up and took us to her doctor appointment and of course we ate at his favorite sandwich spot in Lubbock.

I was going to give the complete run down from the doctor appointment but I have lost the papers! Of course...it sounds just like me! I would lose my head if it wasn't attached! So from my memory: Ilya weighted about 17 pounds and was in the 25% for weight. She was about 28in. long and in the 95% for height, and her head was 17in. in circumference which put her in the 45% for her head size. I wonder if they mixed up the percentile for the weight and head because every time we have been in the past she is usually about 45% for weight and 15-25% for head size. I don't know! In other words she is a growing girl and the doctor said that she looks great!

Her eczema is really bad right now and the doctor said that she is working on inventing something for babies with eczema so she would put Ilya on the list as an "experiment rat" haha! Last night Ilya cried and cried as I pulled her out of the tub and began to put the lotion on her. I talked to her and soothed her and told her I was sorry she inherited my skin. But the good thing is that I know just how to treat and take care of it since I have had it bad all my life.

Ilya also had the worst diaper rash yesterday and this morning. We have been lucky to not have to deal with that until now. Poor baby! It looked terrible last night but I doctored it real good and this morning it was on the road to recovery.

My heart swells with joy every time I look into her eyes. I just love her so much!

If you didn't know, Ilya is eating table food now and I am still making homemade baby food. I highly recommend making your own from the beginning! It saves so much money and isn't as hard as you might think. Ilya's favorites have been sweet potatoes and butternut squash. Yum! She also LOVES macaroni (the veggie mac) and cheese (real cheese), black-eyed peas, brussel sprouts, chicken and pork. So far she loves to eat anything you put in front of her. She can also feed herself, well sort of...I have to put the food on the spoon for her and then she puts the spoon in her mouth by herself. We have been given the go ahead to now give her pancakes! I am so excited. About the only thing we cannot give her is real honey, peanuts or peanut butter, and egg whites.

Ilya just woke up from her nap so pictures will come later.

2010-02-19T07:14:00.000-08:00

Change of direction, change of pace.

Once again I feel a stir within me, a tight grip around my heart, a fluttering in my stomach. I must go beyond what I do. It is not enough just to read and write it, I must start living out my faith every single day, every single minute, every single second. The direction and focus of my life must make the pivotal turn and be cast away from myself and onto Christ at all times.

I am only here a moment.

Death has once again reared its head in my direction and I am sitting here wondering what it is that I am living for.

"The length of our days is seventy years -
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away."
-Psalm 90:10

I know a man that at this very minute is staring death in the face. And I fall prostrate upon the floor begging for mercy and peace for him and his family.

It brings back so many memories of my own grandfathers death. I watched the most godly man face death with determination, peace, and joy. And though we, his family, were all standing by with pain and sorrow he made sure that even his last minutes were spent with our focus on Christ alone. I am also reminded of my beautiful cousin that just stared death down recently when her daughter passed away. As I watched and mourned for/with her I was blown away at her grace, and strength she found in turning to Christ alone for comfort and direction. I am blessed with wonderful examples and teachers in my life who constantly point me in the direction of God rather than the direction of the world.

My focus must remain heaven bound or I will be dragged under by my emotions and thoughts.

So here I sit. I am ready and listening. Change is coming and the mask is falling off. From this moment on I am planning to record "The Incredible Journey" I am on in hopes that I am completely focused on God alone.

My goal:
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
It is written: 'I believed; therefore I have spoken.' With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
-2 Corinthians 4:7-18

Do you know Jesus my Lord? He is here in plain view...take a look and open your eyes, he will show it to you.

I am crossing the line.

2010-02-16T11:51:00.000-08:00

It's a little dark but this is our bedtime story we read every night right before lights out. I wish you could see a little better because her face just lights up and she gets the biggest smile on her face when I turn the pages.

Daysea snuck into the house so we let Ilya have a play date before sending Daysea back outside.

2010-02-15T19:44:00.000-08:00

Ilya with her truck and pacifier.

2010-02-15T19:15:00.000-08:00

This is how we spend our day! Ilya drives and parks the car, plays with the pet, checks the mail and then comes home to mom!

Ilya and her beautiful laugh.

I usually put Ilya in her play pin and let her pick out which toy she wants to play with. This is the process.

2010-02-12T11:58:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of videos of Ilya:
This is Ilya playing Peek-A-boo with me and her stuffed animals in her play pin.

2010-02-11T18:57:00.000-08:00

I just talked to my good friend Paige and she had me watch a video called cardboard testimonies and it reminded me of a song and video that I love! I thought I would go ahead and share it on here.

And here is the video that Paige had me watch:

In the book of Daniel, God is referred to as "The Ancient of Days."

"Every day the sun rises by God's permission. He never had a wink of sleep, and nothing has been hidden from His sight. God has been God through every single day of your heritage. If you're dealing with some ancient ruins, He was there when they first crumbled. He knows every detail. He knows exactly how you've been affected, and His expertise is reconstruction. After all Christ was a carpenter by trade. Nothing has ever been allowed to crumble in a Christian's life or heritage that God is unable to reconstruct and use." (Beth Moore, Breaking Free (the updated edition))

Psalms 78: 1-8
O my people, hear my teaching;
listen to the words of my mouth.
I will utter hidden things, things from
of old-
what we have heard and known,
what our fathers have told us.
We will not hide them from their
children;
we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,
his power, and the wonders he has
done.
He decreed statutes for Jacob
and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our forefathers
to teach their children,
so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their
children.
Then they would put their trust in God
and would not forget his deeds
but would keep his commands.
They would not be like their forefathers-
a stubborn and rebellious generation,
whose hearts were not loyal to God,
whose spirits were not faithful to him.

2010-02-10T12:05:00.000-08:00

In my bible study, Breaking Free (the updated edition) by Beth Moore, she shares an excerpt from It's Always Something by the late Gilda Radner.

"When I was little, my nurse Dibby's cousin had a dog, just a mutt, and the dog was pregnant. I don't know how long dogs are pregnant but she was due to have her puppies in about a week. She was out in the yard one day and got in the way of the lawn mower and her two hind legs got cut off. They rushed her to the vet and he said, "I can sew her up, or you can put her to sleep if you want, but the puppies are okay. She'll be able to deliver the puppies."
Dibby's cousin said, "Keep her alive."
So the vet sewed her backside, and over the next week the dog learned to walk. She didn't spend any time worrying, she just learned to walk by taking two steps in front and flipping up her backside, and then taking two steps and flipping up her backside again. She gave birth to six little puppies, all in perfect health. She nursed them and then weaned them. And when they learned to walk, they all walked like her.

Hosea 8:7 reads, "They sow the wind and reap the whirlwind."
Beth Moore goes on to say "Parents and grandparents must be very careful what they sow because it may bear wind in their lives and a whirlwind in the lives that follow."

God is opening my eyes so much these past weeks. I had already been gathering my thoughts and realizing how much my actions have an effect on Ilya and then my study today was over what you just read. I sit and wonder what else needs to change? What other vicious cycles do I need to put a stop to? Parenting has brought about a new realization of what my life represents or what I want my life to represent. Now it is time to clean "house" once again, and hopefully emerge as a "new" creation. Every day I must put to death the things of this world that rules my life and put on Christ. I know I will fail over and over but this is the first step and the most important thing is to not give up. I must keep my focus on Christ...it is so easy to lose my way and get sucked into worldly thinking and ways.

Lord, help me empty myself so that I can pour more of you in me!

Here is an interesting video I thought of when I was doing my study this morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4HSgvCBXdg

2010-02-09T16:56:00.000-08:00

We are on the brink of being nine months old! I am so blessed to have gotten the opportunity to stay home this year and watch our precious daughter grow! It really does happen so fast! Ilya has been crawling around since Christmas break and we are so close to walking. She likes to pull herself up on everything and now instead of wanting us to hold on to both of her hands to walk her around she only wants us to hold on to one hand. She is finding her balance more and more every day. She started holding on to only one hand just this last Saturday (2/6/10). We were at a bridal shower and Colt and Meggan were there. Ilya saw Colt walking everywhere and wanted to join in. Ever since the shower she has wanted to walk more and more. I am so blessed to have two amazing nephews that live close by. Kyler just celebrated his third birthday and Colt will be two in April. The cousins are like stepping stones in years and they are so close already. Ilya watches everything they do and tries to imitate it later on. A couple of weeks ago we were around Colt and he was flipping his pacifier in his mouth. That night when I was trying to put Ilya to sleep she kept flipping her own pacifier in her mouth. It took forever to get her to sleep!

Speaking of sleep, Ilya has become an amazing sleeper. Ilya had been sleeping through the night at only a month and a half. In October she got sick and I was going in there at all hours of the night. Needless to say she became accustomed to me entering her room at night and decided to stop sleeping through the night. It was beginning to wear on me so we tried the whole "letting them cry it out". It worked for a while but she was still wanting to wake up at five in the morning. I read in a book that we were not putting her to bed early enough. We had been putting her down around 9:00p.m. The book said that I should be putting her down around 5:30p.m. and no later than 7:00p.m. So once again we changed our routine bedtime was going to be about 6:30. It worked! Now we begin the bed time routine (eat, bath, milk, book, bed) around 5:00p.m. and she is in bed no later than 6:00p.m. Tonight she was fast asleep at 5:45p.m. Ilya wakes up at 7:00a.m. every morning. I am impressed!

We found out that Ilya had reflux in January. The Dr. gave her an antibiotic that she takes twice a day. It has made all the difference in the world. She has been so much more happier!

I am still breast feeding and am trying to hold out for a year. I do give Ilya one bottle a day for lunch. She is so funny about taking it. I used to cuddle her close as she took it but now she wants to sit up and take her bottle and just the other day she decided that she wants to stand and take her bottle! But she still wants me to hold it rather than her hold it herself. It is her way of showing me that she is a big girl now and not my precious tiny baby. She is growing up!

She has also started to throw things out of her crib if I don't enter the room fast enough. Usually it is just her pacifier but the other day I came in the room and she had thrown her pacifier, stuffed animal and taken off her pants and thrown them over the crib! I wish I had a hidden video camera in her room. Can you say temper tantrum?!

I love everything about being a mom. Ilya brings so much joy in my life and I thank God every day for her. I am truly blessed!

2010-02-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

My life has changed so much the past eight and a half months. Every day I learn something new about how to be a mom. Just when you think you have arrived something new happens. I have become more aware of how I act/react towards situations. I am not the child anymore, and the world is no longer centered around me (not that it ever actually was but I sure did think it revolved around me). There is a line that is drawn, you can either become self sacrificing and put your child's needs ahead of your own or you can cling to your selfish behavior...either way something has to give, and change comes. The wake up call comes when you realize that your precious child that you brought into the world is watching everything you do. Whether you like it or not you are shaping your child's attitude, reactions, and her view of the world. Major self examination begins. I must learn to think before I react.
Today I acted out of anger...we have been without a washing machine for almost four months now. My dear sweet grandmother has been doing laundry for me. I have been as patient as possible but today got the best of me. When the service repair place called and told me the part will not come in until the 10th. I lost it. And then I fed the fire by thinking about it all day until I was shaking with anger. I called Sears and I let them have it. There was no reward for my anger. I am still without a working washing machine. Now I sit here and wonder what I have taught my daughter.

"Out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45)
"As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man." (Proverbs 27:19)

Now is the call to rise above. If I am feeding Ilya, what is feeding me? I scold myself for falling away from my time with God. It happened slowly...and then hit me like a train. I filled my "free" moments doing everything but turning to the word of God that had given me strength for so many years. I am grateful for wonderful friends that stand up and let me know/make me aware of how I have drifted. If my goal is to raise a child "in the way she should go" I must get back to the Word. If I do not fill my cup daily then the things of this world will pull me away. I want Ilya to see a reflection of Christ in me. I want to teach her how to respond in love rather than in hostility.

Lord, "create in me a pure heart".

I am a work in progress.

pictures

2009-06-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

Written updated post, pictures to come later today!

2009-06-22T07:25:00.000-07:00

Wow! Who knew how busy life would get once you have a baby! So many things have happened since I posted last. Ilya just turned 5 weeks old today - we are past the one month mark and she is already wearing 3 month old clothes! She is growing more long ways than width wise but is definitely beginning to fill out more! She is beginning to get more of a personality every day. On the 17th of June, during our 3:00 feeding time...I was exhausted, sitting in my green rocking chair feeding Ilya. Afterwards she was wide awake and I kept thinking to myself that this was going to be a long night and I would never make it back to sleep! She just kept staring at me and then all of the sudden gave me the biggest smile in the whole world, the kind where her eyes light up and her cheeks get a red glow and her mouth takes up her entire face! My heart melted and all of the sudden it didn't matter what time it was in the morning or how tired I was. All that mattered was that I was holding my little girl and she was smiling at me! I told her that I would stay up all night long if she smiled at me like that all night. It made it all worth it. Ilya seemed to smile from the minute she was born, but this was different...I can honestly say that this was the first "real" smile I have seen. It was awesome! I tried to wake up Sean but he was out! She finally smiled real big for Sean on fathers day (she was saving it for him).
Speaking of sleep, I have been so impressed with Ilya. She LOVES to sleep. She has slept the entire night through 3 times now. The only thing is that I never know when it is going to be...and after she does it I think she might sleep the entire night the next night only to be awakened between 3 and 4a.m. But even then she only wakes up once during the night and for the most part goes right back to sleep. I guess she takes after me in that respect. It is quite amazing. I asked the pediatrician if this is o.k. and she was amazed. She said that if she will sleep then let her sleep. Her weight looks great so there is no concern and I should take advantage of it.
Since she has passed the one month stage I am beginning to ween her off of the bassinet and into her crib. We just started today. For her naps I am going to lay her in her crib to see how she does. If everything goes well then I am going to let her sleep tonight in her crib and keep the monitors close by. I am a little sad but at the same time I know that if I wait too long then it will be hard to keep her in the crib. I asked Meggan (my sister) when she stopped using the bassinet and she told me a month...my mom gave me the suggestion to try it out first and see how it goes. So far she loves the crib! I laid her down after we played and she just looked around and made little noises and then went right to sleep like always.
We are beginning to get into a routine around here. We begin our day at 7:00a.m. with her first feeding, then we play by rocking and talking to each other, listening to music and sometimes dancing around the room. After our play time I put her down for a nap. According to the book Baby Wise she is supposed to sleep about an hour and half to an hour and forty five minuets. I wake her up at 10:00a.m. and feed her again. This time I read to her while she is feeding and then we take our bath for our play time. After the bath she lays down for her nap. Then we feed at 1:00p.m., by that time Sean is home from teaching summer school so he likes to play with her and then lay her down for her nap. She feeds again at 4:00p.m., 7:00p.m, and her last predictable feeding is at 10:00p.m. After 10p.m. we lay her down and then let her wake up on her own. She usually wakes up between 3:00a.m. and 4:00a.m. but the last several nights she has switched to between 4:00a.m. and 5:oo a.m. (this is if she doesn't sleep the entire night, but she has only done this 3 times so I don't count on it).
I have been desperately wanting to take her out for walks in her stroller but the weather has been crazy resulting in thousands of mosquitoes. I tried one morning and it was too much for us to stand. And then it is scorching hot in the afternoon so we are locked inside. Sean said that we can start trying for the evening. I'm hoping we can start that tonight!
Overall, motherhood has been wonderful. There are times when all I feel like doing is crying but then I look at her as I hold her and everything is worth it. She is such a blessing and I can't imagine life without her!
Last but not least, Sean and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary! I am so blessed to be married to such an amazing man. He is everything I have ever prayed for and I look foreward to many more years!

She's so tiny!

2009-06-01T05:47:00.001-07:00

"She's so tiny!" everyone says. . . And she is.

But something happens when you say "GoGoGadgetLEGS!"

She's as long as her tall daddy's arm!

A couple more pictures my mom took

2009-05-31T18:12:00.000-07:00

2009-05-31T17:49:00.000-07:00

Ilya is growing more and more every day. I feel like every time I look like her she changes. On Monday she will be 2 weeks old! We had our first outing on Friday...we went to OHanas (a Japanese steakhouse). Sean and I have gone every year on the last day of school to celebrate the completion of another year.
Today we finally went to church as a family. I wanted to go last Sunday but due to the jaundice we were unable to take her off the light. It was wonderful holding her in my arms and sitting next to Sean. We were late because I was desperately trying to feed her before we went so that she wouldn't get hungry during the service but she flat out refused to eat and slept through the entire thing. She is more about schedules than I am! If you try to do things early she wants nothing to do with it. I must have somehow taught her that in the womb, along with her cute scowl! These last 2 weeks have been amazing...an up and down roller coaster at times but I wouldn't change anything! She is my angel.

May 18, 2009

2009-05-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

On Monday Ilya will be one week old. Thousands of memories of that day flood my mind. I was a ball of emotion and didn't get much sleep the night before. So many thoughts, so many feelings...We were instructed to call the hospital at 5:00a.m. and then report by 6:00 a.m. Once they had me hooked up to the machines the only comforting thing to me was Sean and his strong hand beside me. He opened his bible and read from 1 Samuel 1-3. The story of the birth of Samuel, Hannah's Dedication of Samuel, Hannah's Prayer, and when the Lord Called Samuel. So many people had constantly asked when Sean and I would have kids...and it seemed to intensify once my sisters both had their beautiful boys. Sean and I were not in any hurry and we had both decided to wait upon the Lord...his timing is perfect. We had prayed for Ilya though then she was merely an unnamed dream. Sean was finishing his masters at LCU in biblical studies and ministry, coaching, and teaching. I was busy teaching...and when you work in Meadow you do it all. We were perfectly content and knew that when God called we would answer and obey. We found out I was pregnant on Sunday September 22nd. I had woke up with a little bit of a headache and was looking for my medicine when Sean said I may be pregnant and should take a pregnancy test first. I rolled my eyes and said "I'm not pregnant" but took the test anyway. I didn't want to get my hopes up and I really didn't think I was. The test result was one and a half lines. What does that mean? Two lines mean your pregnant, one line means your not...but one and a half, there is nothing on the box about that. My heart started racing and tears filled my eyes because in my heart I wanted it to be true so bad. Sean and I decided not to tell my family at church since we were unsure and as soon as church was over we raced to the store and bought some more pregnancy tests, this time the digital ones that read pregnant or not pregnant. Because I felt that there would be absolutely no way for it to read "not sure, try again later." And the result was a definite pregnant...all three times I took it! We cried, laughed, and jumped up and down with joy and then spent the next few days calling everyone we knew! As the months progressed we talked all the time about what it will be like, and possible names. One thing that was sure was that this girl was a blessing, a gift from God and we knew that like Hannah, we to wanted to dedicate Ilya and her life to the Lord. While we are not going to leave her at the door of the church once she is weaned we understand that we are raising her for God alone and will do everything in our power to teach her about Christ. Her name came once we found out that we were having a little girl. I was driving home from Brownfield and on Air 1 they were talking about baby names and a man called in saying he named his daughter Ily (I love you) so that she would know that no matter where she is she is loved. I came home and told Sean about it and he said he liked it. We decided to add an "A" to it to be a little original and came up with ILYA (I love you always, pronounced "I-Lee-Ya").

When Dr. Belle-Henry came in to break my water she said "Are you ready for a birthday today?" And I knew that sometime that day Ilya Ruth Grose would be born into the world. I was in labor about 10 hours and at 6:44p.m. I gave birth to Ilya, weighing 7 pounds 9 ounces and 21 and 3/4 inches long. She is beautiful and now my life is forever changed. Its almost been a week and I am still brought to tears at the sight of her. She is truly a miracle and I am beside myself to think that just a week ago she was wiggling around in my stomach. When I look at her I see a perfect mixture of Sean and myself and think how amazing God is. Knowing God is love, and seeing how God can take two people madly in love with one another like Sean and I and create such a beautiful child that truly represents two people becoming one. All I can say is I am in love.

Welcome to Earth Ilya

2009-05-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my life will change forever
is what everybody seems to agree upon
Well yeah
I think as I think do they think I don't know?
Maybe they do - and maybe I don't.
Tomorrow will tell how tomorrow my life will change forever.

-Sean Grose (May 17, 2009)

..........today is tomorrow forever..........